Marriage Spring Cleaning



You all know that feeling when the weather gets warmer and you have spent the winter holed up in your house for the past six months with everyone in your family, including their germs and clutter, as

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constant companions.  You want to open all the windows, shake out all the curtains and rugs, and give your house a spit shine for spring.  Well, why should your marriage be any different?

If you are not careful the cobwebs will collect in the nooks and crannies of your marriage just like they do in our homes.  The day to day activities, chores, job expectations, school concerts, basketball games, etc. make us pay less attention to our marriage and we tend to not know when the cob-webs form until we are walking through a dark place and we get it in the face. (Sorry if you are freaked out by the spider web reference.)

We are all aware of the big obstacles we can run into: Infidelity, abuse, death, etc., but for most of us, hopefully, these are not the things we will have to deal with.  Rather, it’s the smaller things that over time can eat at the foundation.  What I mean are those little things that drive us crazy about each other. These might be things that were cute and quirky when you first started dating.  They could even be those wonderful little gems you were not aware of until you moved in together.  You know those things that when they happen you take a deep breath and say “It’s no big deal, I can just ignore it.”  Well, at some point you might not be able to live with it.

One of mine was the habit my beloved husband had of not calling when he was running late.  In his defense he hadn’t had to answer to anyone before we met.  It wasn’t that I thought he was messing around on me.  I just thought it was rude and inconsiderate.  I finally had had enough when he did not take my concern seriously and we had a rather large “discussion”.  After that, I made the decision to ask myself a simple question before I “discussed” anything with by dear hubby again. Is this something I can live with for the next 20 years? If my answer is no, I need to deal with it right now.  So you have decided you cannot ignore that quirky thing anymore, what do you do now?

1.      Schedule a time to talk with your spouse that isn’t in the bedroom, and isn’t time limited.

2.      Use ‘I’ Statements to explain how you feel.  Instead of: “Your (put annoying habit here) needs to stop!” Try “I feel very hurt when you (put annoying habit here).”

3.      Understand that we all have things that we do that annoy others and your spouse probably has a list as well.  Being married is more about compromise than about union some times.

4.      Understand that just because you talk about it an.

5.      Use ‘I’ Statements to explain how you feel.  Instead of: “Your (put annoying habit here) needs to stop!” Try “I feel very hurt when you (put annoying habit here).”

6.      Understand that we all have things that we do that annoy others and your spouse probably has a list as well.  Being married is more about compromise than about union some times.

7.      Understand that just because you talk about it and worked it out, doesn’t mean your spouse will change overnight.  Be prepared to revisit the topic in a loving, kind way.

8.      Every once and a while count your blessings.  Remind yourself why you fell in love with him in the first place; before you knew he snored, or picked his teeth at the table.  Is he a good provider?  Does he make you laugh?

9.      When all else fails get a fresh outlook, by going and doing something together that you have enjoyed in the past; a sporting event, hiking, fishing, anything.

10.  Simply say “I love you.”

If you have had cobwebs from in your marriage how have you been able to clean them out?  Happy spring cleaning!

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